It’s been a while since I’ve recorded anything. Some things have happened, but nothing extraordinary. My walk with the Lord has probably not been as it should have been and so it feels like a bit of a dessert.
I’ve not been obedient or as faithful lately, and I know what God is calling me to do, but I am not doing it out of fear.
I’ve sought help from people, but I think God is making it clear to me that I’m looking in the wrong places. He is my help, not people. I feel that I need to go out and preach, but desparately wanted someone to go with me.
Preaching the gospel is not easy, but I think I can handle the non-believing public mocking and spitting and kicking me (not that it has come to that). The issue has been opposition within the professing church. There appears to be an almost natural reaction to street preaching that it is all fire and brimstone and just going out and condemning people.
Still, I’ve tried to seek help, and things have stagnated. More than that, a feeling of despair sets in when I don’t go out, and I think the Lord is disciplining me.
And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not take lightly the discipline of the Lord, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you. For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises every son He receives.” Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?
It is not a nice feeling being disciplined, but I’m coming to learn that it is far better to endure persecution than to have that empty and lingering feeling that comes with not following through on what the Lord has commanded you. When I have been obedient, I am at peace and experience true joy, and I know this will be the same even if I have experienced some sort of loss or incurred a physical injury because I have followed His command.
Not only that, but since going out and preaching again, the dreams have started again, and I feel like I am finally back on that narrow path. Thank God for His compassion towards me, His enduring patience and the tough love that He dishes out, because while it is not nice to go through, it is 100% absolutely necessary!
I’ve been having dreams where I’m in battle. Sometimes wielding a sword. I don’t know how to describe them, or how to write about them, so I haven’t recorded those. Yesterday, I had 2 dreams one after the other.
Dream 1 - Not showing that card.
I’m in a dark place and there is a ruler of some sort (perhaps some sort of king). It is not the Lord. He is sitting on a dark throne, I think it is floating slightly of the ground. They are covered in like a shadow, so I can’t really see them. Whoever it is, I don’t like them. I don’t even want to be near them.
There is a table between us and I’m standing at the table. This ruler demands that I show him my cards. I then realise I have these cards in my hand, but I don’t want to show them, but I end up giving in and putting the cards down face up on the table. They are playing cards. There are all spades and clubs, theres a King and a Jack and a few other cards.
The ruler then throws down cards, and I start to look at the cards on the table trying to work out who has the best cards.
The ruler then gets really annoyed and tells me I didn’t throw down all my cards and to throw down my last card.
I then realise I have another card. It isn’t like the normal playing cards. It is quite large, about the size of a large birthday card (how on earth I didn’t notice I had it I have no idea), but it is bright and silver, it is shiny and glowing.
I look at the card to see what it is, and the face is hidden to me. The face of the card is behind a layer that can be scratched off (like a lottery scratchcard). I tell him I don’t want to show that card.
The ruler then gets really angry and demands that I show him the card. He threatens me and tells me if I don’t show him the card, then he will kill me.
I tell him that he can see the cards I’ve put down but I am never, ever going to give him or even show him this card.
Dream 2 - Holy Spirit Transformation
I’m in church and there is a member of the congregation who works in advertising or marketing, and he and the pastor are about to show us an advert they worked on.
We look up at a billboard, but rather than a static image, it is like a TV. The advert starts to play and there is some music.
There is an ugly looking bird with stumpy wings and almost no feathers (kind of looks like a dodo) going through the air and trying to fly. It is flapping hard and swinging left and to the right, but it is constantly going down and losing altitude.
Underneath there is a vast ocean. The bird continues on its downward trajectory, until it finally crashes in to the water, and then it can’t be seen anymore. The music stops.
Then the music starts again, there is a build up (like a drum roll), then suddenly, this beautiful bird comes flying out from underneath the water, covered in feathers and ascends in to the air and flies away.
This was a strange dream. In the morning I prayed asking for the interpretation, and just as it says in the Bible, that the Lord knows what you are going to say before you even open your mouth; as soon as I started to open my mouth and ask what the meaning of it was, I just seemed to suddenly know. I believe God gave me the interpretation in that moment.
We are doing a series on the Holy Spirit in church. The ocean is the Holy Spirit. This ugly looking bird couldn’t do anything, not even fly. Once it went in to the water, it came out and it was beautiful, but also functional! It could fly.
I think the water also points to baptism. Jesus receives the Holy Spirit once John the Baptist baptises Him, and in the book of John it says that Jesus Himself will baptise us with His Holy Spirit. Without Him, we can do nothing!